Let's talk about love....and breakups

So, this is the second time I've attempted to write this post, that is meant to discuss the recent breakup I went through. I started to review my first draft and it just didn't feel right. The tone of my writing completely misguided and the clear pressure that came across to explain why my break up happened was not my original intent for the post. Why it happened honestly isn't the most important part. Everything I learned after, however, I felt is important to understand and share.

Love IS a choice, of course in addition to being an intense bond between one and another. I learned this from my past relationship. After 3 years, of both of us trying our hardest to define and meet each others needs there came a point where even though we loved each other, my ex decided it was too much. He chose to walk away when I chose to stay. After months of feeling abandoned, upset, and let down I've come to realize that it is absolutely okay that he chose to walk away. When one person in a relationship chooses to let go and walk away there is absolutely nothing you can do to change their mind. In spite of how the situation ended, I'm proud that I continued to choose him, and our relationship above everything else. For the first time in my life, after numerous occasions where I have walked away from friendships and previous relationships I chose to stay. I'm proud of that.

Process, whatever this means to you personally, do it. Especially after a serious relationship ends. For me this meant spending a lot of time thinking, feeling, listening to audio books, music, and learning to be more vulnerable and upfront with my feelings in my day to day life. For you, this may be different. Some people may process by putting themselves out there and dating other people, or filling their schedule with new activities to stay preoccupied. To each there own, don't let anyone pressure you to do anything that you don't feel ready to do and don't let others stop you from moving on faster than the "typical"person.


Don't lose sight of yourself. It doesn't matter to me whether you are causally dating, been in a relationship for 3 years, or have been married for 20, don't forget to set goals that you can and will achieve on your own. While it's amazing to depend on others and have a support system and also see an amazing future with someone (trust me I know exactly what that is like) it is also important to imagine what future you can build for yourself, on your own. My previous relationship was all consuming, so much of my effort went into working on our challenges when the effort I was putting in wasn't reciprocated. I lost sight of what I wanted and everything became about "us". Which in a relationship can be amazing.. but in the future I'd like to be in a relationship where I can look at my life and set goals for myself individual as well as for my partner (hopefully that's possible and not too difficult to manage :P).


Vulnerability is brave. To be able to represent yourself authentically, moment by moment, no matter what your circumstances are can be extremely challenging. One of my biggest concerns after my breakup was how to pretend that I was "okay". I have a fast paced life. When things go wrong, there is no gap of time for me to take a day off to process. Right in the middle of my break up, I had to work both of my jobs, continue going to school, and continue studying for exams. The only way I imagined I'd get through is by pretending to be okay... which was also something I felt completely uncomfortable doing. So, I had to find a way to exist. Be authentic, and be real. If someone asked me how I was doing I stopped responding with the socially acceptable answer "I'm good" and instead offered a more accurate description of how I was doing. At work I wasn't my normal chatty self, I was quiet, soft spoken because I was dealing with everything internally. I learned to be okay with that. In fact, after a few weeks of practicing it, I found it quite easy to do. The more people who knew what was really going on inside of me, the closer I felt to each environment I was in everyday (my coworkers, classmates, and professors). The closeness I felt, helped me piece my spirit back together and move forward.

Over the past two and a half months music has helped me reflect more than I could have ever imagined. A true musician at heart, I've always relied on music to help clarify and express my emotions. A song by Birdy + Rhodes-- two amazing singer songwriters--called "Let It All Go" resonated with me since I happened upon it about a month and a half ago. It discusses the hardships that surround losing love. A line from the song "If we are strong enough to let it in, we are strong enough to let it go," is something that I had to repeat to myself almost everyday for a month straight to even begin or fathom moving on from my relationship. So,  I will leave you with this, it is truly amazing, beautiful, and brave to love another person so fiercely and it's important to acknowledge and remember that rooted in your ability to love (anyone or anything) is a strength so powerful that you can get through almost anything that comes your way. This idea, my new understanding of the presence of strength within love empowers me, inspires me, and guides me every day.

New Years Resolutions

2017 has been one of the longest years of my life. So much has happened it's hard to remember everything in its entirety. I applied to graduate schools--which proved to be an insanely stressful but rewarding process, moved out of my home state and away from my entire family--basically everything I have known for the past 23 years of my life-- to go to graduate school, experiencing my first semester of graduate school, and going through a breakup with a significant other that had been a part of my life for the last three years.

I can tell you that it was one of the most emotionally taxing years I've had in my young adult life. It being full of so many transitions and opportunities for stress that by the end of the year I felt completely unmotivated in every area of my life: school, fitness, cooking etc. Which just simply isn't me. I have been so fearful that I would never be or find myself again. To be quite honest, it is still a battle I'm fighting every single day, to feel inspired and motivated. I will continue to work on it until I reach a point where I'm comfortable and happy. After summing up 2017, I thought it would be nice to end on a lighter, more positive note. So, I'll share some of the things I plan working on this year!

2018 New Years Resolutions

Have more fun - More moments of just laughter without much weighing on me emotionally or mentally. For me, one way I want to achieve this is through spontaneity . I'm young and I want to start feeling like I can live my life that way.

Get off Netflix and do more activities - I waste SO much time watching TV and movies, I know a lot of us are guilty of this, and sometimes a good Netflix binge is something needed (so I'm sure I will have moments of this throughout the year). The issue is that this has become my go too activity when I get home and it isn't making me happy. Which is the main problem, I should be finding things that do make me happy. I'd love to get out of my room more, do more activities, and use my time more effectively.
           * Invite others to do activities with me 

Travel - I work a lot. Ever since I could work, it has been one of my main priorities. Being financially independent the entirety of my adult life-- meaning 18 and on-- I've felt this odd pressure that I HAD to work all the time, that I needed to be financially perfect and responsible. 2018 is a year where I'm going to get over that. This year it's about time to reorient myself to the people and things that are important to me. I love to travel and want to put more time into visiting my friends (who are now located all across the country) and spending time with the people who inspire me and allow me to thrive.

BE BOLD- I'm so tired of not doing something, saying something, or acting a certain way because I care about what others are going to think, or I'm too afraid. I have to be myself and over the past year I've kind of lost site of the fire and passion I had about putting myself out there--by "there" I mean out in the world. This year I will take risks, in whatever form that means in all kinds of situations I find myself in (I'll definitely keep you guys posted and let you know how this goes).

The Year of the Booty- Over the past two and a half year's I've been on this workout journey to really find what makes me feel free, empowered, and strong. Along this journey, I've come to really appreciate setting active goals like learning how to really sculpt an area of my body, or master a certain physical feat like handstands or pushups. One area of my body that I'd love to work on and see changes in is my butt. In it's current state it is by no means bad but I'd like to see if I can help it be even better! So the workout plan I'm currently working on will be focused on booty gains (I have other fitness goals but honestly, I have so many of those that a separate post will be made in the future to really go into detail.)

Grow out my nails- This one seems so simple, for me it is incredibly difficult for my finger nails to grow out naturally on their own. They are super flimsy and peel--I swear I don't bit my nails (which is what I've said to every manicurist I've been too). I got a treatment to try out, so let's cross our fingers and hope its exactly what I need.

Start a blog - I started the year already working hard on this goal! It feels great to say, and that I have proof that goals are in fact powerful. I'm loving it so far. I know it isn't quite perfect just yet, but this is a journey and I plan to learn along the way and make changes. I just knew it was important to start writing, to find my voice, and the rest will follow. I'm super excited to have this post to look back at next year to see what I've accomplished!

Cheers to the beginning...

I’ve never been one to appreciate labels, even though they provide clarity and specification something inside of me has always felt uncomfortable with something so definite representing me. What has stopped me time and time again from starting this blog is the pressure from the world that is social media to hone in on one topic, to find my audience, and brand myself. I’m sure that will come in time but for now, for now I just want to be me, to not have such a definite label or focus, and move forward with something I’ve dreamed of starting for the longest time.

I’m a graduate student by day craving a creative outlet to release my thoughts about makeup, fashion, health/fitness, and sharing occasional tidbits of knowledge and moments of my life along the way. So, you can expect for me to hit each of those topics at different moments on the blog. With that being said as well I will try my best to post at least once a week but again with the beast that is graduate school, I may not always be able to perform to that standard.


With all of that out of the way, let me explain why I took time today to sit down and start to write this first post. The last thing I wanted was to wait until January to start to write. Not that I don’t believe in the power of setting New Year’s resolutions or discourage others from the hope of being better next year but WHY WAIT?


I really want to end this post with a challenge—you’ll notice this becomes a theme, I always love a good challenge. If you have something you want to start, that’s been on your mind and you’ve had time to binge watch multiple series on Netflix, get bored scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram—this may or may not be what I’ve been guilty of over the last week or so--you have the time to start TODAY. Sit down and give that passion or that goal five minutes of your time! Start there and keep moving forward! Happy New Year guys <3.